| Cupons, lovely hateful cupons |
[Jul. 4th, 2008|10:50 am] |
Can I get this off my chest? I mean, coupons are lovely, I use them, love them myself, they are a boon to my exsistance, a lovely little cherry on top my retail sundae most days. I am pro-coupon.
Most coupons I know about, or have recieived, though, don't say on them 'rape me like a nickel tiauanna whore'. For some reason, though, customers seem to read this on ours. And why, pray tell, might they do this? Well. Customers Suck! To wit:
The chain bookstore where I work, oh, lets call it 'Boundaries Books' sometimes issues a 30% off ONE item coupon for our loyal rewards cards members, an exclusive club that requires for membership you giving in for a split second to the relentelss hounding of cashiers for whom signing people up for this mess is perhaps 50% of one's yearly review. Don't get me wrong, if you have the misfortune to get me as a cashier, you *will* leave as a rewards member. How do I do it? Simply this, I don't let you leave until you have given me an e-mail. Hey, I very well know it is a pain in the arse, but, did I mention 50% of my review? My paltry raise is in the balance here, this is the ONE THING I am objectively measured and judged on in my job, and am I going to risk pissing you off to raise my percentage .00001 percent? Darn tooting I am. Try to leave without signing up for the damn card, really, I dare you. I can draw your transaction out FOREVER. I think I still have people waiting in line from my shift on TUESDAY. I just left to check a price and NEVER CAME BACK. After all, they don't count on my Rewards Card signup percentage if they never complete their transaction, they are dead to me.
So all this Strum und Drag is to emphasize how easy it is to get a rewards card. Yet I still have this hydrocephalitic WITCH (my apologies to any practitioners of the noble art and belief of wicca here, hydrocaphalists? No apologies both of you can suck me), that wants to use multiple 30% coupons on her entire large romance book order (all $7.99 Mass Market Paperbacks, BTW). OK, my normal practice is to let them, if it is a big order, get the 30% off two books, even though the coupon clearly says one item only, particularly if they are cheap, like this, and cost us nothing. If they produce a rewards club card. This witch though, has no card, will not give me the e-mail to look up her account, and refuses to sign up for a card. Which, did I mention, is FREE and directly linked to my evaluation?
Now the coupon says 'rewards club members only' in BOLD LETTERS ON TOP, so I'm feeling rather justified in saying not only no, but HELL NO on this request to take 30% off everything she looks at, just because she photocopied 60 copies of her good for ONE ITEM coupon.
So I'm essentially telling her, no rewards club membership, no coupon use, after all, I'm just a poor cashier, and the computer, don't you know, won't *let* me, and in any event, she could only use one coupon period.
The witch looks me in the eye, and tells me, 'well, if you ever could afford college, you'd be able to learn enough to take care of this simple thing'.
I shite you not, friends.
I'd like to tell you that I'm now a fugitive from justice, and posting from a public computer in a logging camp way far up into the Yukon Territory, where a mans sins can be forgiven with good honest hard work, because I KILLED THAT BITCH (there I said it, I do hate to curse on the internet) AND STRUNG HER INTESTINES LIKE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ABOUT MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE, and belive you me, dearest friends, we were that close. Hot winged death brushed her with wings that day.
The moral of this story? A masters degree in English Literature? worthless. Swallowing large amounts of rage to keep a retail job? necessary.
I'm off, my fellow lovely slaves, to see fireworks, and eat sushis. And I will think well of all of you in the trenches, as I hope you do for me, and of course, I will TIP MY SERVER!
happy independence day.
Fox.
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sympathetic
tired
